It is currently 4:17 am and I am wide awake with late night blues. I thought about getting up and cleaning a little since I can’t sleep, but who am I kidding. So I just decided to write. My heart is heavy because on this day two years ago, I lost someone very close to me. Cancer consumed someone that played a major part in my life. It hurt. I had no idea how bad it hurt until all of the visitors and guests were gone and I was left to my thoughts. I still feel like my heart is ripped to shreds today, two years later.
As I sit here on the verge of tears, I’m wishing that I could have one last talk with him. If Heaven had a phone, I would be on the line daily. I miss him so much and I just want one more chance to hear him speak and see him healthy and laughing again. Just one glimpse of the joy that he brought to the room. I never realized until that day, that we live our lives like they last forever. We take our family members for granted and when something happens we are only left with memories and a bunch of flowers. We need to treasure the moments that we have with our loved ones and enjoy flowers with them while they are here.
Due to the circumstances, I have no regrets or “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve” scenarios in my heart or mind. There was no doubt what would take place so I used my time wisely. I spoke the words that needed to be spoken before it was too late. I had the chance to carry out tasks such as clipping fingernails and making a snack of apples and peanut butter one last time (and enjoy a hearty laugh because my apple slices were ugly) before I had to say goodbye. This may not sound like much to you, but to me it is everything. Those were the things that he asked of me. I did those things with a smile on my face despite the deep sadness that I felt in my heart. I remember my last conversation with him like it was yesterday and I will cherish that forever.